I think I just reviewed my shoes
I’m not exactly sure what kind of person reviews their shoes on a website like FavoritethingEVER.com. What I am sure of, for better or worse, is I’m about to become that kind of person.
Sorry. I can’t help myself. Staring my 30th birthday in the face, mired in another losing fantasy football season, and with no more DVD -released TV show left to watch, my life simply isn’t that exciting at the moment.
But my new shoes are.
My wife got them for me, once again proving her infinite wisdom. They’re Simple brand sneakers, the “Carnival” to be exact, and like all Simples they carry a tagline of “shoes for a happy planet”. And, yes, it IS all lowercase – written right on the brown and green box. These are shoes you can not only wear, but can ease your liberal guilt at the same time. It’s a great combination, much like the “asphalt” colored hemp and “eco certified suede” that make the Carnival look like something straight out of a late ‘70s longboarding documentary.
Really, if you’re anything like me, you don’t actually play guitar, but you still purchase the bulk of your shoes by envisioning how they might look in a grunge era music video, shot in black and white and slamming down on a Big Muff guitar pedal. The Carnivals would look pretty kickass; I can tell you that. Classically shaped, with blue “eco certified sued” wrapping the toes and back heel, accenting the asphalt colored hemp that makes up most of the shoe, it’s a no-frills look, more than capable of making sure you seem like you’re not trying, but looking good doing it. The edge of the soles, all white (aside from the green “Simple” logo on the back), is the perfect clean, sharp finish. Jesus, listen to me…
OK, so you’ve got your “eco certified suede,” your hemp, and even your certified organic cotton; that’s a pretty earth friendly start. But the Carnival – and other Simple shoe styles – seal the deal by recycling old car ties and turning them into shoe soles. Take a minute to digest that.
Seems like too much, right? Like it’s going overboard? Like it has to be a joke? I shit you not. According to the box, Simple says “We can make the outsoles for 6 pairs of men’s size 9 shoes from a single care tire.”
I’m not sure how that works for my size 13s, but still – pretty fucking cool. And I’m not just saying that because I went to liberal arts college.
Even better, IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE YOU’RE WALKING ON RECYLCLED CAR TIRES!
In fact, with expertly placed cushioning right beneath the ball of your foot, I’m inclined to say my new Simples are more comfortable than any pair of Vans or Chuck Taylors I’ve ever owned. Plus, they’ve got enough rise to keep me from walking on the back of my jeans – which is a quality never to be underestimated in the rainy Northwest. You hear me, Chuck Taylor wearers out there? Wet pant legs suck.
To summarize: My life lacks excitement. My Simple Carnival shoes are some of the coolest shoes I’ve ever come across. And even better, they’re eco-friendly and have the high likelihood of impressing your hippie friends and/or help you make out with hippie chicks (I never actually said that, but it was kind of implied).
I’m the Other Matt, and I wear Simples. I approve this message.
You have a limited amount of time, so why spend it reading about things that suck or are only kind of okay? Favorite thing EVER is not a review site. We're unrepentant fans, and this is the stuff we love. Hope you like gushing, because we're about to embarrass ourselves.
I had some lovable shoes one time, but now those days are gone, perhaps never to be recaptured.
Cherish your Carnival shoes, friend.
Cherish them.
I was totally going to review shoes soon. You scooped me.
I have seen the fluevogs, and I might have to do an ftE about your shoes.
And then I will do an ftE about that!
But seriously, he’s right about your delicious shoes.
Other Matt, I have been looking to get Matt a pair of comfy/cool shoes and he will be getting a pair of these and he will have you to thank.
I came to this site from Henry Baum’s Self Publishing Review, prepared to be be charmed and bemused. And I run up against this inane, meta-consumerist, total-waste-of-time pap. C’mon, Matt, either do something worthwhile or volunteer for the Marines.
OK?
Nothing personal.
Mike
P.S. Or have I been out of the Beloved Country too long?
Fair enough. But, dude, I write choose your own adventure books about zombies. How worthwhile did you think the conversation here was going to be?
Awesome! You know you’ve got a good blog when someone takes the time to tell you it’s crap.