It time for Hulk party, it time for fun.

The Incredible Hulk has become a sort of house mascot for Matt and me: for my birthday two years ago we had a “Hulk” themed board game party, kicking off the festivities with a Hulk themed drinks, a practically life-sized foil balloon, a poster, a dish soap dispenser and Don’t Wake Hulk. We had so many people that we ran out of markers and used mini-peanut butter cups, HeroClix, and Power Puff Girls so everyone could play. A good time was had by all.

We had the party in the first place because of this CD, discovered by Matt and his sister Kristen at the Grocery Outlet. This item inspired a little jingle they called “Hulk Party”, set to the Heatmiser theme from The Year Without a Santa Claus: “It time for Hulk Party. It time for fun. You want come Hulk Party. You think Hulk Number 1!” From that day, they knew that Hulk Party would come to pass. In fact, we set up the hotel block reservation for our wedding under the name Hulk Party, so the contract is between Hulk Party (hereinafter referred to as “Meeting Group”) and the hotel. So, it’s kind of a thing now. I mean, I have a Hulk Umbrella, man. It’s a kid’s umbrella I bought in Vancouver for three bucks, and it is certainly the finest umbrella I have ever owned, or will ever own. It has a statuesque and oddly detailed plastic hulk for a handle, as evidenced in the inset graphics.

Rain make Hulk SO ANGRY.

All this to preface the fact that about a year ago, I watched the pilot movie for The Incredible Hulk. And it was kind of fantastic.

They spent a huge amount of time setting up his life with Mrs. Laurie Banner: frolicking with kittens, bounding across fields of flowers, breakfast food hijinx and what not. I have to admit that I did not see it coming when she so totally died in that car accident. Kudos on the believable tears upon waking from the sweet dream that was your happy shared life, Bill! Then, they introduced a hot female scientist who was surprisingly engaging and eminently credible at “science”. Also, she’s the actress who plays the drunk mom on Castle? THEN they introduced this woman and her son, and the actress just fuckin’ SOLD it, man — she’s telling this story about how her car blew a tire and flipped over, trapping her son inside, and that somehow she found the strength to lift it and save him, and it was so naturally told it felt like an actual testimony. She was this tiny, timid-seeming little black woman with a huge shiny bouffant, and “burn scars” on her little face, and she was basically the best thing about the episode.

Hulk like to thank Academy.

So they spend all this time showing you how David Banner is all outraged and hurt that these people were able to find the strength to lift fallen beams and shake off 17 bullets, etc. (they interview like four people) and he’s like, why couldn’t I save my wife! Who basically dies in exactly the way the tiny lady’s son would have if she hadn’t been all Adrenal-Thrust. So it’s like, all this groovy, gradual stuff and then he decides that the common factor was something in their DNA (a characteristic he also shares) and GAMMA RAYS that the sun was producing at super high levels on the days the other people had their Drama In Real Life – and that were super low on the day his wife happened to buy it in a white Monte Carlo. So he shoots up with 2 million rads of Gamma (as one does) and goes all green when he has a rage blackout about getting a flat tire in the rain and hurting his hand. They do a total Frankenstein’s monster homage with Hulk trying to say hey to a little girl while she’s fishing at a lake and then trying to keep her from drowning when she (perhaps understandably) freaks out.

Please note the strangely prominent nipples.

Anyway, Elaina the Lady Scientist remains cool, calm and collected throughout this whole thing when David shows up to tell her about it and to get her to help him run a follow up experiment – which goes about as you would expect, except for the part where Elaina is incredibly cool and doesn’t faint or twist her ankle even once, and where, instead of bandaging up the Hulk’s hurt paw, dabs it with a slide so she can get a blood sample first. Ladies and gentlemen, that is SCIENCE. Sincerely, the science labs looked as if ACTUAL SCIENCE went on there, and the electron microscope and DNA stuff looked cool even by today’s standards.

Of course it all turns to melodramatic slush in the final scenes, but hey. It was a 70s made for TV movie. And a pretty darned good one. Tiny Bill Bixby and his seriously convincing attitude problem really worked as the basis for a guy who loses TWO women that he tenderly loves in one hour and 47 minutes, and then spends the rest of his days wandering the earth like that guy in Kung Fu, trying not to accidentally kill anyone. (For the record, Hulk doesn’t hurt anybody, only does a lot of felony vandalism. The lady’s life is lost when a skeevy National Enquierer-type Reporter Guy accidentally causes an insane explosion in the lab while Elaina is there.)

As a series, it was surprisingly attentive to casting non-white folks, and the women were often The Brains of the Bad Guy Outfits, or medical doctors and scientists in their own right, rather than cowering damsels in distress. Of course, the delicious cheese is what holds the whole series together. For example, the second episode of the series included, but was not limited to, rattlesnake bites, a cripple who walks again at a crucial moment, and quicksand. Also, The Hulk punches a grizzly bear. In the face! Before picking up said bear and catapulting the poor beast (really a stuffed bear costume) across a lake. I cannot accurately describe the hilarious sublimity of that moment, so I will show it to you:

Note how his makeup is rubbing off on the bear.

In addition, you could make a delightful drinking game out of the show: drink when he finds shoes and clothes that mysteriously fit post-Hulk out, despite the fact that BB is only three apples high! Drink when you successfully “call” an object on the set prepped for Hulk Action: doors that are clearly made out of tinfoil, convenient bars for bending, windows just begging to be Hulk Smashed. Drink when BB pleads with The Villain of the Week not to call forth the spirit of HULK VENGEANCE. You get the idea.

I actually met Lou Ferrigno recently and mentioned how much I appreciated the time he punched a grizzly bear in the face, and how I’d been worried for him running around the streets of 1976 New York City in his bare feet — until I’d noticed they’d thoughtfully provided him with tiny green booties for the episode “Terror in Times Square”. He told me it had also been 29 degrees out that day, and he’d been running just to try and keep warm. That Lou!

You can buy the entire series on DVD, but I’m not sure that you really need to, as it’s available on Hulu and the grainy charm of old videotape serves as atmosphere. You should probably own a pair of these Hulk Smash Hands, though, to help you channel your rage more constructively.

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kormantic has currently lost over 16 millionteen games of Words With Friends in a row. She lives with Matt in their secret lair in the heart of a volcano. She likes CANDY and words that rhyme.

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12 Responses to “It time for Hulk party, it time for fun.”

  1. matt says:

    If I remember correctly, we actually got that children’s Hulk CD at the Dollar Tree. It was a dollar. I remember we were driving home, and the Hulk Party song came about because we were trying to imagine what the songs on this thing could POSSIBLY be like.

    The actual CD was a disappointment, of course — it was sung in a little kid’s voice, with regular grammar and everything. There was even a song about constructive things Hulk would try to do instead of getting angry. IT LIKE THEY NOT KNOW HULK AT ALL.

  2. kelly says:

    In my mind The Incredible Hulk tv show is conflated with The Littlest Hobo, because it was basically the same show — except instead of a grumpy mutant superhero it starred a pacifist German shepherd.

  3. hulk says:

    Hulk want thank Hulk agent, and all puny humans work so hard make Hulk look good. Hulk can’t believe this really happening. It honor just be nominated.

  4. Eileen Lufkin says:

    Feminist Hulk may be relevant to your interests.

    (link to an article about him because I don’t have a twitter acct, and can’t get to it at work.)

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