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The Citizen Kane of Dumb Movies

You can’t plan this sort of thing. My wife and I were grocery shopping in Anchorage, Alaska. My brother-in-law had just told me that my VHS copy of Weird Al’s UHF was probably worth... read more

World domination at your own pace

I don’t know if you follow PC gaming much, but there’s this whole, booming category called real-time strategy, or RTS. And as far as world domination goes, it’s kind of the new hotness. Rather than playing your turn, ending it, and sitting around for a half hour while the computer moves its armies around, everything just keeps happening... read more

A dimension of no sight and no sound

Here’s a fun game to play sometime when you’re in a crowd and you don’t mind looking like a nerd. Say “You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.” and see who looks at you. Well, depending on how loudly you say it, that might be everybody. But the point is... read more

Big Trouble. Was that a goat?

Big Trouble was scheduled for release in December 2001. Since the plot revolves around a bomb eventually making it onto an airplane, the release was pushed to April 2002. Maybe it was the unfortunate timing that hindered the film’s success. Maybe the world was growing a little weary of Tim Allen. Whatever the reason, this film did not do as well as it... read more

The naysayers who say nay

Whenever I see an unfavourable review of Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, or even just some snippy remark about it, I always want to ask, “What would you have done with it?” (Other than not even try, I mean.) Because it’s not impossible to make a good sequel, even if the original is unique, or has a challenging premise or whatnot.... read more

He’ll kick you apart — ooh!

Just thought I’d warn everybody in advance: this is going to be a weird one. I have a thing for U.S. presidential history. I can’t really explain it. And as far as pimping out this affection to others, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. For starters, the concept of viewing history through the lens of Important Dead White Guys is passé... read more

It puts the mellow in drama!

This movie is 196% great, despite the fact that it may have the most appalling soundtrack ever committed to magnetic tape. Ladyhawke! With a name like that, it has to be good cheese! read more

Mystery science theater INFINITY!

I’ve pretty conclusively proven that I will sit through any terrible movie if Mike Nelson is making fun of it for me. Give me three guys commenting on props or providing voices for extras and I’ll settle in happily with my popcorn and (let’s be honest) sleep through the middle third of the film. Yes, it’s a sickness, but if loving... read more
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