I suppose you COULD piss on hospitality…
Whenever I watch a B movie, I have my laptop close at hand so I can Google it while I’m watching it. I eat its trivia like Junior Mints; I scour its cast list for the inevitable star or stars who never worked again. Sometimes I get really lucky and stumble onto some other movie that’s even worse than the one I’m watching.
But my mind wanders, too, and not just to errands or sex or workplace beefs, or wherever your mind wanders when it’s not fully engaged. My mind tries to fill in the blanks that Wikipedia never can. I wonder:
· Did anyone involved in its production think they were onto something good?
· What ever happened to X Actress Who Never Worked Again?
· How did everyone feel when they realized their movie was The Pits? (Oh my god, did they ever know it?)
It’s fascinating to me, but mostly my interest is frustrated, because there’s not a lot of demand for more information about movies like Leprechaun 5: In Da Hood.
There’s just not.
So I was excited beyond the telling of it when I learned of Best Worst Movie, a documentary about the making of Troll 2 and its second (and far more illustrious) life as a cult classic.
Some background: Troll 2 really is widely regarded as the best worst movie. It fails on every level, but it fails in such a flamboyant, demented way that you can’t help falling in crazy love with it. In it, a family from the suburbs trades houses with a family from the country, and quickly falls prey to a colony of vegetarian goblins who try to transform them into vegetation so they’re suitable for eating.
(Yes, goblins. Calling the movie Troll 2 was a bit of sneakery on the director’s part, meant to deceive you into thinking the movie was more legit than it was.)
This time around, the man behind the camera is Michael Stephenson, who played the little boy in Troll 2. He’s 30 years old now, and blessed with enough ironic detachment to appreciate his status in the B-movie pantheon, and the beloved monstrosity he helped unleash upon an unsuspecting world.
His mission? First, to document the newfound popularity of Troll 2–attending screenings all over America, speaking with the organizers and the fans. Second, to reconnect with his co-stars and the film’s writer and director.
That’s where it gets a bit hinky for me.
Because to me Troll 2 is a trip, with or without the Rifftrax (though the Rifftrax version should be required viewing for everyone,) so the crazy, raving fans at the screenings feel like my people, but the reality of Troll 2 isn’t exactly funny.
One of the actors was honest-to-god on a day pass from a mental institution when he appeared in the film. Watching it again with Stephenson makes him uneasy; he’s watching his own deterioration.
Margo Prey (the mother) is obviously disturbed now; she says It’s complicated to explain away her refusal to attend a screening, but you know what she means is I’m nowhere near well enough for that even before she mimics the shouting she hears in her head. She talks about returning to acting someday, but you get the feeling that it won’t be much longer before she can’t even leave the house.
The director flies in from Italy to participate in the documentary and attend a few screenings, but it’s clear from the start that he thinks he’s finally getting the respect he always thought he deserved. He and his wife (the screenwriter) both talk about Troll 2 like it’s a towering artistic achievement, like it only got panned back in the day because the world wasn’t ready for it, and now, at last, they’ll have their day in the sun.
It, uh. Doesn’t last.
Most of the principal actors never made another movie. One of them is still working, but she keeps Troll 2 off her resume; if a casting director recognizes her from it, she says, she knows she won’t be hired.
But the roughest watch for me is George Hardy, the Alabama dentist who played the dad.
He seems like a wonderful person, universally adored, and just a tremendous, tremendous sport, attending dozens of screenings and a few conventions, visiting his co-stars with Michael Stephenson, going door-to-door in his hometown, drumming up business for a fundraiser/screening there, participating in Q&As, and reciting his most famous line again and again and again.
(You can’t piss on hospitality, if you wondered. He won’t allow it.)
He seems content enough, but he wanted a much bigger life than he’s got. He’s a showman more than anything, and he wanted to be a star. Through Troll 2, that strange, magnificent failure, he catches a glimpse of what he might’ve had if he’d been more of a dreamer, or just a luckier guy, and it’s… bittersweet.
It’s something that often trips me up these days: I can only laugh at someone’s story, or song or craftwork or whatever if I let myself forget that a person made it.
But if I can forget, if I can…
I can recapture the great affection the other fans have for Troll 2.
“It’s completely sincere, and that’s what makes it so lovable.”
“It’s like aliens wanted to make a movie for people.”
“It’s as if the filmmakers were competent, but then they suffered a terrible blow to the head.”
There are fanvids, home-made costumes, theme snacks, t-shirts, and a video game. It’s a true phenomenon. It’s just also a snapshot of a lot of dying dreams, as it turns out, and that’s kind of a drag, but, I mean. What’s done is done.
Holy crap, is it ever done.
You have a limited amount of time, so why spend it reading about things that suck or are only kind of okay? Favorite thing EVER is not a review site. We're unrepentant fans, and this is the stuff we love. Hope you like gushing, because we're about to embarrass ourselves.
I feel sure that you’ve seen American Movie and that one is a sweet little heartbreaker, even though Coven is really a triumph in some ways. This sound equally compelling.
It’s really well done. And there’s no narration, you know, he lets his interview subjects do their thing and you’re left to squirm or squee on your own terms.
Oh, and speaking of trivia, one of the principal cast members went on to write a series of best-selling inspirational novels. With the power of Christ on his side, he overcame the terrible burden of having appeared in Troll 2.
I’ve been home sick over the last few days and watched a bunch of documentaries from the couch, which only resulted in me getting angry at stuff like capitalism in general (screw you, capitalism!)
If only I had THIS on my Netflix live streaming queue (screw you, Netflix!)
Why not watch The King of Kong again? It’s not like it gets old.