The Untold Wonders of Beartato
I have this thing where I compulsively register domain names. I get a germ of an idea and immediately start hunting for a website name, registering it on the spot when I inevitably come up with something I can’t believe no one has taken already. Seriously, I had favoritethingever.com a good solid year before the site went up (and this is also why it sucks for you if your last name happens to be Youngmark, because that domain is and always will be an outdated online resume I made like four years ago). I have to prune my domain list regularly, once I get to the point where I can’t remember what some site (blacklabelpress.com?) was even supposed to be anymore.
So I had this weird little freak-out while I was perusing old comics at Anthony Clark’s Nedroid.com yesterday in preparation for this post. I got to wondering why he went with “Nedroid” instead of naming the site after its main character, Beartato. Then a quick domain search revealed that beartato.com was STILL AVAILABLE. Just sitting there. What if somebody buys it, and uses it for porn? Or worse yet, sits on it and tries to sell it back to Anthony for a ZILLION DOLLARS after Beartato becomes a worldwide phenomenon? I didn’t know what to do. So I just registered it myself and made it point back to Nedroid. It gave me this creepy, stalkery feeling after I did it, but you know what? It had to be done.
Because if there’s any justice in this world, some day Beartato will be more famous than goddamn Garfield.
I love Beartato so much, you guys. First off, he’s half bear, half potato. And he’s just so full of joy. He spends his days with his best friend Reginald (half bird, half self-absorbed narcissist, although his devotion to Beartato is true and this redeems him to a certain degree) having thrilling adventures or, more often than not, just sitting around killing time. And although Beartato is endlessly good-natured, it’s not like he’s some kind of one-dimensional Pollyanna. Occasionally he’ll have this mischievous glint in his eye, like he knows he’s fucking with you. And don’t be fooled, when presented with a desperate situation, Beartato will do what has to be done.
There’s no search function at Nedroid.com, so in order find some of my all-time favorite strips to show you, I had to do some digging. It wasn’t much of a chore. Beartato wins the lottery! Beartato and Reginald are bitter chili-cook-off rivals!! I also like it when Reginald randomly goes on dates. Or this one, at the end of a multi-strip arc, where Reginald gets out of a pet adoption that didn’t work out particularly well for him. I swear to you, it makes me laugh whenever I even think about that banner in the last panel. (So you know, Nedroid is also one of those secret-commentary comics, so make sure to mouse over the strips after you read them to see the hovertext, which is often my favorite part.)
The way a lot of the best comic strips work (and I’m talking about the all-time classics here — Bloom County, The Far Side, Calvin & Hobbes), it’s not always about the punchline. They’re cumulative. As you read them, all in one sitting or over the course of weeks or months, they lull you into this state where you’re just generally prepared to be delighted by whatever happens next. Nedroid has me in its clutches like that, and let me tell you, it’s a pretty great place to be. And I fully realize that I may have already lost you to the untold wonders of the Beartato archives by now. I’m okay with that. Come back this way on Monday — we’ll have something new for you to read, and you’ll have a new webcomic in your bookmarks, ready to give you a blast of good times at random intervals (usually two or three times a week, whenever Anthony gets inspired to draw a new one).
There’s a recent collection out called Beartato and the Secret of the Mystery — I couldn’t find it at Amazon, but you can order it straight from Topatoco (no relation to Beartato, although they do stock Nedroid merch along with all sorts of other wonderful webcomics swag). It reprints many of the strips from the site (some of them redrawn and rejiggered) along with some never before seen stuff. I have a copy, and it is great! I don’t need to give you the hard sell right now, though. Just go read them for yourself, and you’ll get there on your own.
Godspeed, my friend.
You have a limited amount of time, so why spend it reading about things that suck or are only kind of okay? Favorite thing EVER is not a review site. We're unrepentant fans, and this is the stuff we love. Hope you like gushing, because we're about to embarrass ourselves.
Oh, Beartato! Please note that the hoverscript for the chili cookoff should read “I hope the change the rules so we can both win!”
And that pretty much encapsulated my reasons for loving Beartato.
Once again, no love for Harrison.
I know! Poor Harrison. I wanted to mention the whole Party Cat thing, too, but I couldn’t find it in the archives.
OMG and Bartholomew! I can’t believe I forgot about my little Bartholomew.
Ow! You are stinging me
There’s actually a Bartholomew comic if you click on the “Garfield” link (it does not actually take you to Garfield).
That’s like a reverse RickRoll: tricking someone into clicking through to something awesome.
That’s a dangerous game, Matt Youngmark. I hope that you are Tuff Enuff.
And now I know exactly what I’m going to do with my day.
Ah, delicious comics.
Matt, you are a good person and I thank you for your kind words. I have tried to get Beartato.com before, but for a period of a couple of years it was taken by a squatter, and eventually I just gave up.
I would like to discuss the possibility of purchasing the domain from you. Please email me at nedroid at gmail.com if you are interested.
Awesome! That will be ONE ZILLION DOLLARS.
What kind of creepy creepface would squat on Beartato.com?????
I’ve registered two domain names since I read this the first time.
What are they?