horror | favorite thing EVER

Jun 27, 2011 Posted by melodie

Amish people don’t have these problems

Oh my god, man, is there anything better than horror movies from the 70s? They’re always so fucked up and cerebral, like they’re trying to alter your brain chemistry, and I don’t even know why. (Something about acid and Vietnam..?) All I know is, although I haven’t seen every single 70s horror movie, every single one I’ve seen has been creepy, dark and mental. Take Demon Seed,... read more

Jun 20, 2011 Posted by melodie

The lease did promise Quiet Enjoyment

Knock on wood, I have pretty good Apartment Karma. The worst neighbour I’ve ever had was my first neighbour: a stay-at-home crazy person who woke me after my first night in my suite by hammering on our shared wall with both fists and screaming FUCKERS!!! over and over again. (It’s funny now, but at the time I felt like Tom Hanks in Big when he spends his first night in that fleabag hotel and... read more

May 26, 2011 Posted by melodie

The grift that keeps on giving

Here are two things you’ll need to know about me if you’re ever forced to explain me to aliens from outer space: One, I’d take on all my cat’s ailments and her poor life expectancy right now if I could–she means that much to me. Two, I frittered away one whole summer a few years back getting drunk and watching I Know Who Killed Me every chance I got. It’s true. I watched... read more

Apr 14, 2011 Posted by melodie

Pontypool: Shut up or die

Imagine for a moment that you’re an ordinary person. Not only that: you’re the sort of ordinary person who’s perfectly content to live out his life in a small rural town. Imagine that a bizarre plague strikes your town, so contagious and so deadly that everyone is placed under quarantine, and policed by the military. Imagine that in the midst of this crisis, you have little to no... read more

Mar 28, 2011 Posted by melodie

Every little boy needs a girl

Scanners 2 is the story of David Kellum, veterinary student and hockey-haired farm boy, just trying to make his way in the hustle and the bustle of the Big City. (They never say which city, but since he’s from Vermont I’ve defaulted to New York, even though the movie was shot in Montreal.) He’s been suffering from terrible migraines since he came to town, but it’s not the end of the... read more

Mar 8, 2011 Posted by melodie

Slow-Motion Tumblin’ Cheeseburgers?

I always seem to flounder at first whenever I try to sell a friend on the wonder and majesty of Sleepover Nightmare. “There’s no sleepover,” I say excitedly, “and it takes place during the day! It should be called Couple of Hours at a So-So BBQ Daymare!” I mean, Jesus. What more do you need to hear? I gave it a chance for far less than that: the silly title, plus the... read more

Feb 22, 2011 Posted by melodie

The naysayers who say nay

Whenever I see an unfavourable review of Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, or even just some snippy remark about it, I always want to ask, “What would you have done with it?” (Other than not even try, I mean.) Because it’s not impossible to make a good sequel, even if the original is unique, or has a challenging premise or whatnot. (I’m thinking specifically of Paranormal Activity 2,... read more

Feb 1, 2011 Posted by melodie

I suppose you COULD piss on hospitality…

Whenever I watch a B movie, I have my laptop close at hand so I can Google it while I’m watching it. I eat its trivia like Junior Mints; I scour its cast list for the inevitable star or stars who never worked again. Sometimes I get really lucky and stumble onto some other movie that’s even worse than the one I’m watching. But my mind wanders, too, and not just to errands or sex or... read more